It Doesn't Matter

Welcome to calmness in a frustrating world! Okay, how about the PROSPECT of such a thing. I'm the kind of person who has immediate emotional reactions that often get me in trouble. I very often look back and think, "If I had just taken a moment to think about that, things would have gone so much better." And, there is a special little phrase that helps me do that.

Today, I will share some personal issues and recent episodes that have discouraged me. I promise this isn't a call to pity, though I am pretty pitiful. But I need you to see how perspective can change everything. Maybe even in your life as well.

- Do you ever get frustrated at things that aren't really that big of a deal?

- Why do we do that when God has done so much for us?

- Are you interested in impulse control, better perspective, and deeper prayers?

- Can a simple phrase, uttered over and over again, really make that big of a difference?

- How can you tell the difference between things that matter and things that don't?

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to the Excel Still More podcast. I am your host, Chris Emerson. I'm here to encourage you in your walk with God. Thank you for joining in. Today's podcast is sponsored by Cunningham Financial Group. John Cunningham is a friend of mine and a brother in Christ, and he can help you with financial decisions and future planning. He's been a big help to me and my family, and I commend him to you. You can reach him at 205-913-1720. I am so thankful you're here, so let's get started. I'm not going to say that I utter this phrase to myself every day of the week, but definitely multiple days of every week, and usually upwards of five, ten, fifteen times to help me get through even a single event. It has a calming effect on me, and I hope that it will do the same for you. So that's the first reason. It means so much to me as a device that triggers good behavior and prevents bad behavior that I'm excited to share it with you. But then there's a second reason as well. I can't properly show you how to use this phrase unless I reveal to you some of the real personal frustrations that exist in my life. And I think, like most people, I'm a bit apprehensive to do that. You may think that some things that frustrate me are petty. I may share one thing with you today, and you may be like, he should not have aired that out here. I'm opening myself up to criticism, but I want you to see how useful this can really be, and so I have to be very honest with you. So anyway, all of that being put out in the beginning, I want to talk to you today about the phrase it doesn't matter. This phrase will be useful to you when you are dealing with frustrating situations, when things happen around you that you don't like, that you don't think are fair, when other people around you misbehave, when the brakes don't go your way, when someone is driving too slowly again in front of you. If you are like me, when things don't go the way I want them to, I have an immediate emotional reaction. I needed to find a way to delay that as long as possible. In fact, I was in search of something that could do a few good things for me. The first one is, as I just said, impulse control. Someone just said something rude to you. Something just happened out of the blue. You have this immediate reaction. I needed to be able to control my impulses. I also needed to have a moment to properly and appropriately assess what's going on around me. Have you ever had something happen to you and your reaction was too much? It was poorly thought out. You acted like it was the biggest, worstest thing that ever happened, and it wasn't. I needed a moment to assess that. And then I was hopeful that I could get to God in prayer, even a short prayer that prayed for the right things and the right people before I formulated a reaction. So to sum all that up, impulse control, perspective, assessment, and a proper prayer approach. And I'm just here to tell you, this works for me. It doesn't matter. It doesn't. It's not that big of a deal. It's not the end of the world. It will all be fine. It doesn't matter. Those types of words, when they are true, and I'll be talking to you more today about assessing whether that's true or not, really help settle me. Let me give you a few basic examples that are very real in my life. I've mentioned often about my drive to work, there is a four-mile, two-lane stretch, and someone is always going five to ten miles per hour below the speed limit. I have this reaction, this emotional thing happens, and I want to get upset and I want them to see me back there, but it doesn't matter. It's only four miles. It's not going to change my life. I've got my family and my life. Why am I acting like a few miles per hour is going to ruin everything? And just to be clear, this is not just a road rage issue for me. I could give you a bunch of examples. My son Nick is 10. He just finished a long baseball season, all-stars and those things. And sometimes the coaches would make decisions that I disagreed with. So what? Well, to me, it was a big deal. I would let it eat on me, some of which didn't even directly have to do with Nick. Sometimes I would go say something and cause problems and then later feel so foolish. It didn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's just boys playing baseball. Other times it's not the coach, it's Nick. Maybe he walks a couple of guys in a row or grounds out twice, and I'm like all upset about it. Why? You might be saying, Chris, I really thought you were more mature than this. Your son Luke misses a couple of putts in a row and you act like it's this huge deal. Chris, I used to look up to you. I can't believe you let this stuff get to you. Well, I do. And probably most of us do. But let me tell you what has been helping. It doesn't matter. It doesn't. This is not a big deal. He's trying his hardest. They're doing their best. The guy in the vehicle in front of me probably has a lot of problems that I know nothing about. None of this has a bearing on the direction of my life. In fact, 10 minutes from now, I will have entirely forgot about it. This allows me some time. It doesn't matter. Saying that over and over, it provides for me a little bit of time, again, to control the impulses, to get a grip on what's real, and usually to just go to God. And even in the midst of those situations, pray for the right things, like gratitude to God, or for more patience. All right, so I have some more examples that I want to give, but there are a few different things that we need to walk through here. Let me start with this, and please listen carefully. It doesn't matter is not the same thing as I don't care. It took me a while to come to grips with this. I rarely say I don't care. I don't care. I don't care what happens. Because that would almost always be a lie. I care about a lot of things. I care when someone says something unkind to me. I care when the guy in front of me is going 45 miles per hour or when Luke misses a three-foot putt. I emotionally care. Maybe I shouldn't care, but I do. And I would be lying to myself and trying to suppress and ignore real emotions if I just kept saying, I don't care. Doesn't bother me, has no effect on me at all. Don't say that, because that is almost always untrue. To say it doesn't matter or it doesn't really matter, the thing about that is it's actually true. I'm saying this happened, I don't like it, I care, I'm affected by it, I'm frustrated, but it doesn't matter. It's not as big a deal as my own emotions are trying to make it. They're different things, and I want you to assess that and use one more often than the other. Let me give you an example that's personal to me, and I've tucked it here in the middle of the episode so that maybe some people who just peek at these podcasts won't hear it. But I've been preaching full time for 21 years, half my life. And over that time I have had two gospel meetings canceled, where a church invited me to come and then chose to uninvite me to come. One was about five years ago, and the other happened just recently. I was supposed to go next year, and it was canceled. Both of those things happened the same way. I had preached a sermon somewhere that they didn't like, said something in a way that they didn't like, and so it got passed around to some of the men and the leadership of those churches, and it was determined that it would not be a good idea for me to come. I could go on and on about this, I don't want to today, but if I did, it would prove that I did care. I did not like that. I felt like they did not come and talk to me. In most cases, I had to try and reach out to have discussions with them so that we could see that we are really on the same page. But if I sat here and told you, I don't care. I don't care that they did that. That would be a lie. I would be lying to myself. I would have loved the opportunity to go to those churches, or in one case, back to that church where we had had a good meeting several years before. I would love the opportunity to teach the gospel to some of the people there, and I have friends at both of those churches. I totally cared and in some ways still care. So what should I do? Build a big podcast about it and out everyone? Respond with anger or be defensive? Act like it's the biggest worstest thing that's ever happened to any preacher, soapbox on about how the people who've treated me worst in this life are Christians. Yeah, I could do all of that. Most of which would be pure emotional reaction, very short on perspective, and pretty much untrue. But instead, I told myself over and over again, it doesn't matter. It doesn't. I still work here in Lyndale and I love working here. I have the opportunity next year to go preach at several places that do trust me and want me to come. I have my family and my life, and it's not a big deal. Don't make it bigger than it is. Don't cause problems, Chris, that don't need to be caused. And to be honest, the more I said that to myself, and I wasn't trying to convince myself to believe a lie, I was trying to convince myself to calm down for a few minutes and believe the truth. It changed the way that I prayed. I find myself praying for those churches. And I don't mean in some side-eye, pity-filled way. No, genuinely, God, I love those people. Encourage them and help for them to make the right choice so that they can get the teaching that's good for them. And I pray for those leaders. They're good men doing the best they know how. Like all of the prayers got where they needed to be because I was able to get myself back in at least the vicinity of where I needed to be. And it started with these three words. Do you think they can help you too? At least hit the pause button on reactions and at most genuinely open up gratitude in your heart for the things that do matter, for the way that God has blessed you, and maybe potentially completely rearrange the way that you pray for others, even those who you believe at least have not treated you fairly. So if you are struggling to do this, if you try it this week and it's just not working for you, let me give you a couple of other things that I know will help. So before you find yourself in your next frustrated situation, it is very important that you have already pre-identified the things in your life that really truly do matter. What are those things? What are the things that if you lost them, if they were damaged, if it got canceled, it would truly be a blow to your life. I can make a list of things like the health and safety and fellowship of my family, my relationship with the elders here at Lindale and the work that we're doing in this community, my own personal health and life and well-being. I could find my way through those things if they took a hit in Christ, we can do it. But it would be things that really mattered and would have incredible emotional weight. And that leads me to incredible gratitude that at this moment, those things and others, the big rocks in my jar, at this moment at least, I am intensely thankful for God's blessings. So once I've got that, why would I let these other things bother me? Why would I behave as if someone who cuts me off coming out of Walmart is the same as one of my children getting sick? Why would I get as shook or frustrated or upset or have my countenance disturbed over both of those things when only one of them is super important to me and the other one isn't? You need to be clear with yourself and God about the things that truly matter in your life so that you will stop giving weight to the things that don't. Does that make sense? If you need help, go back a few weeks, listen to the jar of rocks and the three categories of rocks in your life, some of which we can totally do without, others of which we hope we never have to do without. Let me give you something additional that I've been doing lately to help identify the things that matter and the things that don't. Because I don't want to say, hey, it doesn't matter if it really does. I'm being honest with myself here. I don't want to convince myself to believe a lie. I just need to know what the truth is. And here is something that has helped. Ask yourself this question. Is this something I would pray for? Now, I understand that the way we all pray is different, and maybe there are things you would pray for that I would not, but this has been a big help to me. Would I pray for my son to shoot three under par in the tournament next Tuesday? Would I pray for my other son to rip two doubles in the gap? Would I take time in the throne room of God and request that the person in front of me take the next right and get off the road? To go to the gospel meeting example from earlier, would I pray that they all change their mind and invite me anyway? Would I pray that I get to go no matter what? My answer is no. I personally would not use time in prayer praying for God to give me any of those things. Maybe you would, and maybe it could give rise to another discussion. I'm praying for my kids to be safe, for them to be healthy, for them to shine as a reflection of Jesus. I'm praying for the well-being of the person in the vehicle in front of me, and that I pull my own act together and have more patience. As I told you before, I'm praying for those other churches and their preachers and elderships and members, that God just continue to bless them greatly. Can you hear the distinction in the two lists? The first list about hitting doubles and turning cars doesn't matter. But the second one to me does. It just doesn't do us any good to get all shook up and bent out of shape and emotional reactionary to everything that happens. I want you this week, the next time a problem arises, to be able to very quickly and honestly say this is not a big deal. It's not really relevant to my life, except get this, except that it presents itself as a test of my character, of my priority system, and of my trust in God. So try this. The next time something frustrating happens that is not life altering, be controlled, be appropriate, and maybe even with a little smile on your face, say these words. It doesn't matter.com. This wonderful company, run by Christians, provides beautiful illustrations of scripture from beginning to end, putting the spotlight on Jesus. And remember this whatever you choose to do today in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, excel still more.